What a Grind
By Steve
I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to spend three hours with Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, but I saw “Grindhouse” on Friday. Aside from further cementing my view that Rosario Dawson is one of the hottest women on the planet (though she’s starting to look a bit skeletal; get that girl a cheeseburger, stat!), it was… er, a bit of a grind.
Conceptually, it’s pretty dumb to spend $60 million to perfectly emulate a double feature of movies that probably cost $600K or less to make; that, my friends, is why these are B-movies. It isn’t a chosen aesthetic; it’s one mandated by limitations both budgetary and, lets face it, talent. For every Martin Scorsese that found the artistry in cheese like “Boxcar Bertha” in the early 70s, there were dozens of Doris Wishman’s pumping out swill like “Deadly Weapons” (featuring the appropriately named Chesty Morgan, who in the movie’s best scene, clubs a guy to death with her enormous boobs).
(Actually, the opening trailer for “Machete,” and ones at the intermission for “Don’t Scream” and “Thanksgiving” had more B-movie style than the rest of Grindhouse. Though Eli Roth, the director of the latter, should never to get laid again based on how he views women in his movies. Rob Zombie’s “Werewolf Women of the SS,” or whatever it was called, was like its inspiration—”Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS” and its ilk—all title, no execution.)
Robert Rodriguez goes so far as to add film scratches to his half of “Grindhouse,” the middling zombie ripoff “Planet Terror.” Of the two films, it’s the cheesier one, closer in style and spirit to those B-movies… well, at least the ones that had all sorts of CGI effects and perfectly crafted over-the-top action. Which is to say, none of them. It has its moments—popping puss pustules, limbs a snapping off, Rose McGowan with a gun for a leg, the “missing reel” gag—but haven’t we seen this before from both Tarantino and Rodriguez in “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn?” It dragged in the beginning, and it dragged at the end.
(Also, isn’t Rodriguez enough of a friend of Tarantino to tell him, “No, you can’t act in my movie?” God, the scene where Tarantino is threatening to rape Marley Shelton is painful, both for its misogyny and for his terrible, terrible acting.)
Tarantino’s “Death Proof” is more interesting as a film than “Planet Terror,” while at the same time being much, much worse. It makes sense that it’s a talky movie with bursts of graphic violence; that’s Tarantino’s shtick. After the over-the-topness of “Planet Terror,” it also makes sense to slow things down. And the scenes with Kurt Russell are terrific, both as an homage to his past characters and a wonderful parody over their machismo.
But there are two enormous problems. While no one does “dudes sitting around talking shit” better, Tarantino can’t write believable dialog for women. Maybe I don’t get out much, but I’m not sure there are that many hot 20-something girls who sit around in vintage T-shirts talking about 70s soul music and old movies. These aren’t characters; they’re typical geek wish fulfillment.
While Tarantino tries to replicate a “Reservoir Dogs” vibe with his double batch of protagonists, he fails miserably. They aren’t interesting, they aren’t funny, and some of the women in this piece—particularly, Zoe Bell in the second half—can’t act. Bell was obviously chosen because she could do her own stunts in the climactic chase scene that ends “Death Proof.” She certainly wasn’t chosen for her acting ability, because her line readings redefine “wooden.”
And dude, “Vanishing Point.” We get it. Critics are falling over themselves about the awesome car chase. Er, yeah. I guess. I dunno, I might be impressed if I hadn’t seen “The Bourne Supremacy” or “Ronin” in the last five years. (Ignore the CGI-heavy one in “The Matrix Reloaded.”) And why didn’t the girl hit the brakes when Russell was driving alongside her? Why didn’t they stop and let Zoe Bell get in the car when he spun out?
Tim Burton tried this kind of mimicry years ago with Mars Attacks!, and while the aesthetic there was pretty awesome, the movie was equally meh. Both it and Grindhouse are way too self-conscious, screaming, “Look, I love B-movies!” at every turn. While someone like Peter Jackson adds his own little cheesy homages in something epic like Lord of the Rings (those zooms, Legolas surfing the stairs), Rodriguez and Tarantino have to lovingly recreate them. They’re just screaming, “Look how cool those movies were!,” which is their way of saying, “Look how cool we are!”
April 8th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
And dude, “Vanishing Point.” We get it. Critics are falling over themselves about the awesome car chase. Er, yeah. I guess. I dunno, I might be impressed if I hadn’t seen “The Bourne Supremacy” or “Ronin” in the last five years. (Ignore the CGI-heavy one in “The Matrix Reloaded.”)
Bah, nothing shall ever reign over the supreme, almighty, perfect, and totally-like-the-best-ever car chase in Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I nominate The Great Escape for runner up or perhaps for best motorcycle chase.
April 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Oh, but that reminds me: Part of Grindhouse was filmed right near my house. They held up traffic and it almost made me late, which pissed me off.
Did you see a very stereotypical convenience store that had sort of an American flag type of thing going on with its logo? Which movie/trailer was it in?
April 8th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Are you in Austin? It’s possible that it was the “Death Proof” portion. I suppose it could have been “Planet Terror” too, though I don’t remember a convenience store in either one.
If you go back further, there are amazing car chases. Raiders, of course (though seeing the obvious groove in the ground for Indy to ride to the front of the truck sorta ruins that for me). Don’t forget “To Live and Die in L.A.,” which is amazing. As are the obvious two, “The French Connection” and “Bullitt.” (William Freidkin directed three of the movies I’ve mentioned.)
April 8th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
“These aren’t characters; they’re typical geek wish fulfillment.”
Yup.
I hate Quentin Tarantino.
April 8th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Yeah, Austin, TX. Well, technically on the fringe. If I run a mile west then I’m in Cedar Park.
I can’t say I care much for Quentin’s movies either. Kill Bill 1 is the only one I’ve ever enjoyed, and it was missing major plot points when taken by itself. The beginning also felt empty, silly & pointless.
April 9th, 2007 at 3:33 am
/methinks Steve is slowly making the transition into “film critic”, what with the in-depth write-ups of Grindhouse and 300. :)
Regarding car chase scenes - for me, it’s Ronin all the way. I’ve seen both Bullitt and The French Connection, and while they may have been great in the 70’s (and in the hills of San Francisco for Bullitt - admittedly cool), they lack the intensity of Ronin.
Oh, silly me: let’s not forget The Blues Brothers!
April 9th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
That’s true… The Blues Brothers is like a 1980s (70s?) Napoleon Dynamite. It’s a perfected, “pathetic” comedy. It’s amazing. I love it.
April 9th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Ooh, Blues Brothers. Duh.
And I can’t believe I forgot The Road Warrior.
The most terrifying/horrific car crash in any movie I’ve seen is the one in Adaptation, of all things. It’s so out of left field, and incredibly visceral.
April 9th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
The best car crash I’ve ever seen is the one in Remember the Titans. It was so unexpected that it actually had a major, emotional impact on me. I’m rarely affected by movies. (effected? affected?)
That twist easily ranks up there with Vader being Luke’s father, Tribes Vengeance’s many twists, and the Phoenix Wright games. Yes, an odd mix.
April 13th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
[…] When I wrote about “Grindhouse,” I commented that it was pretty silly to spend a ton of money to make something look like crap. This terrific article at the Entertainment Weekly website does a terrific job of summarizing some of the points I was making. […]