No Spring In My Step
By SteveI hate Spring Mario.
There, I said it. I hate something about Super Mario Galaxy.
If I posted this on a forum, I’d be flamed. My opinions on gaming would no longer have any validity. I’d probably be called an anti-Semite racist for good measure too.
It’s amazing how much of a free pass people give Nintendo, especially a Mario game. If anyone else released this exact game, every review would be full of criticisms: Too little health, too much “try and die” gameplay, too linear, etc. Instead, it’s mostly, “Best Game Ever Made!”
Let’s use one example. You have three health, with an occasional red mushroom that doubles it. (These are usually found before a boss battle.) To offset the decrease in health, Galaxy has occasional save points within a galaxy, and there are plenty of ways to get an extra life. (By the end of any session, I’ll typically have twenty or more… of course they reset back to five every time you reload. Bah.)
But let’s say another game does this, say something with space marines or a dude with a gun. People would be screaming that repeatedly killing off the player isn’t gameplay or game design, it’s sadism. Why isn’t it more next-gen? What about letting the player save anywhere? Where’s the open-endedness? Why is there no player choice? Where’s the branching narrative?
None of these are particularly great criticisms of Super Mario Galaxy, but no one would dare raise any of these kinds of issues for a couple of reasons. One is that it’s never had these features. Of course it never was in 3D until Mario 64, so I’m not sure why we don’t expect it to evolve more with the times. Super Mario Galaxy isn’t exactly a re-imagining of the franchise for the Wii—it’s merely a better version of Super Mario Sunshine—but no one would accuse Nintendo of resting on its laurels, of not challenging its players, of not pushing gaming forward.
You don’t dare criticize a big Nintendo game. You would receive so much hate, threats, people saying you hate gaming (and possibly Jesus), and attacks on your overall credibility for daring to offer (possibly legitimate) criticism.
Like Spring Mario. I fucking hate Spring Mario. Yeah, a spring wrapped around Mario. It’s cute. But who thought it was a good idea to take the best thing about a Mario game—running! jumping!—and throwing it out to make the movement horrible, and the jumping even more horrible? And why would you build entire levels around horrible movement and jumping?
So can you love Super Mario Galaxy and hate Spring Mario? Probably not. Clearly I hate gaming. And freedom. The terrorists have won.
November 20th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
You don’t dare criticize a big Nintendo game.
I flat out boycotted Twilight Princess (hawked my copy for good measure) for having the shoddiest production quality for an opening act I’ve ever seen. The opening cut scene itself had some of the most inconsistent (and some of it was really good, but a lot of it was TERRIBLE) animation I’ve ever seen, among other flaws.
I spread my hate on all sorts of forums, though I never went to a dedicated board for the game to do so.
So far I haven’t been called an anti-semite nor been branded a troll. I got away with complaining about the first few worlds in New Super Mario Bros. too, but complaints about Mario Sunshine almost got me ostracized once.
November 21st, 2007 at 11:04 am
Osama bin Bauman.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:34 am
I’m wondering how many reviewers honestly approached this game separate from the Mario world as a whole and judged it as if it were a new IP… like the way Ubisoft’s Ravin Rabbids was reviewed. In my opinion Galaxy would have pulled off a solid ‘rent it’ ranking, but not the current gush-fest.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:40 am
Hmm, that’s a tough call. Mario occupies its own world with people, since for many of them it’s the first videogame they played. So they’re not exactly rational when looking at a new game; I mean, people are like, “Ohmygod, BEE MARIO!!!” as if that’s some huge innovation.
In a sense, it’s new to me, and I’d rate it well above a “rent it.” It’s one of my favorite games of the year, and it’s the first Mario game I’ve ever bought. Well, I bought a couple of the old games via the Virtual Console. But I’ve barely played them.
(I should try the Rayman game. I think we have it at work for borrowing.)
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 pm
Three health is less than we’re used to, but it’s not like the game is too hard or something. I agree the game isn’t the second coming like people are treating it, but it’s still great. It’s my console game of the year (probably mostly because my 360 died and I can’t play Mass Effect, heh).
December 4th, 2007 at 1:15 am
Oh no! Typo in my site url! Fixed now!